The Donald hits a popular vein

Yes, Obama should publish his real birth certificate. But he won’t. And this is why (50/50):

  1. His birthplace is outside of the United States. And so what? So is McCain’s. Obama is the son of an American mother and so he is an American citizen. But what if Mummy renounced her citizenship in her revolutionary fervor? This is actually kind of hard to do now, the United Nations Declaration is against it. (Haha! Sorry, just a sec…)
  2. His birth certificate says, “Muslim.”

None of these things really matter.

Long story short, because Adolf Hitler was staatlos in Germany after renouncing his Austrian citizenship, stateless people are seen are problematic, so everyone is “assigned” a nation by the UN. Now, even before this, the U.S. was in the habit of accepting people back: think of it as an international hygienic protocol. So if his mom did renounce, the U.S. would likely have accepted her back anyway. But it would be immediately contested and, ultimately, come down to nothing more than a judge’s opinion as to whether the light bulb really wanted to renounce its nationality.

Finally, if his birth certificate really does say Muslim, and if we accept that the Rev. Wright’s church is… nominally… Christian, then he is an apostate, a religious unperson, a legitimate assassination target in most of the Middle East. Now, while we might cheer W when he said, “Bring it on,” we must be clear that Obama is no Bush and not likely to weather such a storm well. For the peace of mind of the American nation, and our foreign policy, I hereby approve of the CIA breaking into the Hawai’ian Hall of Records, scratching out “Muslim” and substituting “Christian.”

So there.

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